we have pet lesbian snakes
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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