dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
