How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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