I'm so fucking centered right now
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
