Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
