Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
It's Friday. Sex?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
