Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
