In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
