So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
