did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
