he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Your penis caused this!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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