I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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