my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
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Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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