this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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