her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
