I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
