I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
farters have to be the big spoon...
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Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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