I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
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Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
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Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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