it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
