I'm going to jail i love you
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
