in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
