my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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