I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
