Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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