Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
