and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
