mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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