Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
