woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
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i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
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Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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