I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
