I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
