Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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