We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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