my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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