I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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