she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
How external is "for external use only"?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
