hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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