I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
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We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
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but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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