"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
