Pants 0. Shit 1.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
