i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
