He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
