You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
