Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
