Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
