I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
