I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
