Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
