I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
