I heard we made out
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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