i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
