I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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