Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
