YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
