it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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