He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
