You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
there is glitter all over my balls
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
