belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
