i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
